At the beginning of my junior year, I learned that two of my roommates were atheists. Fresh from a summer of Christian camp with the theme of being bold for Christ, I thought, "This is the perfect opportunity to 'be bold' and witness to my roommates." God must have placed me with these girls so I could put into practice what I had learned over the summer, I thought. But halfway through the semester, I found myself practically living in the drawing studio, half-collapsed over dinner from the Grille at 11 pm almost every night, dreading the thought of returning to my apartment. Instead of raising my two lost roommates up, they dragged me down. One of my underclassmen friends heard about my situation and offered to let me stay in her room whenever I liked. When I received the email about room change applications - the one I always ignored before - I knew I couldn't remain in my apartment anymore. I requested to live with my friend in Covenant Hall. "Upperclassmen aren't allowed to live in the dorms," I was told. But I was still somehow approved to move, and in December, I left the terror of my old, spacious apartment and crammed myself into one of the tiny Covey dorms. Life instantly improved for me. I no longer hated going back to my room, since I knew I was loved and understood.
While I think I would still make the decision to move if I was given the chance to redo my junior year, I'm plagued with the disappointment that I wasn't able to be bold for Christ. As an aspiring missionary, I should not have been turned off by two atheists. They would certainly not be the last ones I would encounter, whether I went into the field or not. But the difference in our beliefs became too big of a hurdle for me to cross over, and I caved, fleeing to someone who more closely shared my ideology. While I read Cleveland's chapter on self-esteem and identity, I kept thinking of my junior year, and how I couldn't get past our very distinct and different group identities. I wonder how much different that year might have turned out if I had placed my worth in Christ, instead of in my roommates. Though Cleveland talks more about Christians reconciling with other, different Christians through their shared group identity as followers of Christ, I still resonance with my situation. I think I could have had an easier time loving my roommates if I had identified with them as another human being in need of a Savior, rather than distancing myself from them and making the clear distinctions of "Christian" and "non-Christian." I will try to remember this for the future.
What a powerful story. Thank you for sharing! I admire your honesty in the difficult situation that you were in. Your story is a great reminder about how big of a role group identities play within and outside of the church. I have not had an major opportunity to witness to atheists. Your story encourages me to step outside of the "bubble" that I am in and look for ways that I can be a witness to non-believers. The challenge is that this is a lot easier said than done. It can be easy to say that I am going to be a witness and bring a non-believer to Christ but in reality, it is hard to know how to do so in an appropriate, loving, and gentle way. I believe that we have to rely on the tools and wisdom that God has given us to be a light to these people.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing such a fascinating and personal story. I really don't know if I would've responded differently if I were in your situation; regardless, you made the right choice for yourself. Yet it still puts our view on things in perspective. We need to identify people as who they are from God's point of view, not our own. While everyone has their distinguishing characteristics, no one is clearly black and white: find where in the gray areas people actually are, and I think we can get closer to properly identifying people from God's perspective.
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