Chapters 8 & 9: I Am You

 The concept that culture and religion often get tangled together in confusing and often harmful ways is not a new one to me. But how Cleveland presented it made me more aware of the ways I more or less unconsciously buy into thinking a certain cultural aspect is "gospel." I grew up in Mexico as a missionary kid, and when the Christians there pray, they pray aloud - all together, and very passionately. This can come across as chaotic and annoying to outsiders. I was pretty used to it, but when my grandparents visited us, they tried to change how the people prayed. They emphasized one person leading the others in prayer instead of everyone praying at once as they saw fit. I came to see the collective prayer model I was so used to as wrong, and that it "hindered the Spirit." Would the Holy Spirit of the Almighty God be "hindered" because more than one frail human being was praying to Him at the same time? I'm not trying to bash my grandparents for doing this. They genuinely thought the way the Mexicans prayed was flawed and were trying to help them (though looking back, I can now see this was misguided). This was a case of culture getting confused with religion. I don't think God cares how we pray, as long as we fear Him.

Cleveland also talked about how to eliminate cross-cultural divides. People need to have meaningful interactions with others who differ from them, and not just coexist together. Relationships are the key to breaking down barriers. A few years ago, I was at a party with my family. I saw a very pretty girl there (pretty, as in haughty, mean, and probably wouldn't like me, obviously). We eventually ended up at the same table and tentatively started talking to each other. Turns out she had also been nervous about talking to me, and wondered if I would like her! She wasn't haughty at all, but actually pretty cool. If we had never talked to each other, both of us would have been stuck in our false assumptions. We were in the same place, but that in itself wasn't going to break any barriers. We would have just continued to watch each other, unsure if the other was too -blank- to approach. We had to engage in meaningful interactions in order to overcome our prejudices.

Chapters 6 & 7: Only Human

Cleveland really illuminates some of the darker sides of our human nature in her discussion of ego-boosting. We are such self-centered creatures, we constantly need to raise ourselves up to feel better, even if that means putting others down. Our egos feel threatened when confronted with people that differ from us, so we avoid putting ourselves in those awkward situations with the "other." But Cleveland shows that once we change our thinking and perceive the outgroups as part of our own groups, we feel less antagonistic toward them and less of a need to justify our egos. 

As a tutor, I arrive at the designated meeting place, the Academic Enrichment Center, a little early and wait for my students. Not everyone can make every single session, and some students will let me know in advance, hours before their session, that they can't make it. But there are also those who never tell me anything, leaving me sitting in the AEC waiting for them and wondering where they are. This happened last Thursday with two of my three students for that day. I emailed them, asking them if they were showing up. They both forgot, and didn't realize it until I emailed them. Righteous anger surging through me, I gathered my things (a little violently), about to stomp out of the AEC, when I remembered what I had just minutes earlier read from Disunity in Christ. I realized I had distanced myself from these two students, making them the other. They were inconsiderate, rude . . . I felt nothing positive toward them. I was unconsciously boosting myself by putting them down. But didn't I remember that time last year when a friend wanted to interview me for a booklet she wanted to distribute around campus? Didn't I remember how I completely forgot and showed up half an hour late? Didn't I remember the frustration and guilt I felt when I arrived and she wasn't there? Didn't I remember emailing my friend, being unable to reschedule, and ultimately not getting into booklet, as well as drifting even further apart from this person? Didn't I remember wishing I could redo it all?

And just like that, I could empathize with my forgetful students. They were no longer the "other." We were both "inconsiderate" and "rude." We were both human.

Chapter 5: We Can Never Know

 At the beginning of my junior year, I learned that two of my roommates were atheists. Fresh from a summer of Christian camp with the theme of being bold for Christ, I thought, "This is the perfect opportunity to 'be bold' and witness to my roommates." God must have placed me with these girls so I could put into practice what I had learned over the summer, I thought. But halfway through the semester, I found myself practically living in the drawing studio, half-collapsed over dinner from the Grille at 11 pm almost every night, dreading the thought of returning to my apartment. Instead of raising my two lost roommates up, they dragged me down. One of my underclassmen friends heard about my situation and offered to let me stay in her room whenever I liked. When I received the email about room change applications - the one I always ignored before - I knew I couldn't remain in my apartment anymore. I requested to live with my friend in Covenant Hall. "Upperclassmen aren't allowed to live in the dorms," I was told. But I was still somehow approved to move, and in December, I left the terror of my old, spacious apartment and crammed myself into one of the tiny Covey dorms. Life instantly improved for me. I no longer hated going back to my room, since I knew I was loved and understood. 

While I think I would still make the decision to move if I was given the chance to redo my junior year, I'm plagued with the disappointment that I wasn't able to be bold for Christ. As an aspiring missionary, I should not have been turned off by two atheists. They would certainly not be the last ones I would encounter, whether I went into the field or not. But the difference in our beliefs became too big of a hurdle for me to cross over, and I caved, fleeing to someone who more closely shared my ideology. While I read Cleveland's chapter on self-esteem and identity, I kept thinking of my junior year, and how I couldn't get past our very distinct and different group identities. I wonder how much different that year might have turned out if I had placed my worth in Christ, instead of in my roommates. Though Cleveland talks more about Christians reconciling with other, different Christians through their shared group identity as followers of Christ, I still resonance with my situation. I think I could have had an easier time loving my roommates if I had identified with them as another human being in need of a Savior, rather than distancing myself from them and making the clear distinctions of "Christian" and "non-Christian." I will try to remember this for the future.