Chapter 10: All Things

Cleveland wraps up her book with the reasons why we need to start reframing our thinking, where they become we. Her reasons sound so obviously good, I wonder why we as humans have such a difficult time with this concept. When we start think of "the other" as one of us, we like them more, we're more open to learning from them, we forgive them more easily, and we treat them better. Cleveland emphasizes, though, that becoming more diverse does not mean giving up on our smaller group identities. In fact, these smaller groups we also find ourselves a part of are what make our larger group identities richer. At the end of the day, though, we ultimately need to reshape ourselves under the sovereignty and image of Jesus Christ. He wants us to jump the hurdles in front of us, Chariots of Fire-style (because why not), and pursue others in love.

I have told many stories of myself and others, when I've failed to love and change them to we, but also when I've succeeded, though there are admittedly less of those. Looking back, it feels simple. I need to stop seeing others as so different from myself, recognize that there are more similarities than I originally thought - and acknowledge that in the end, if we are nothing else, we are all human. Shouldn't that be enough of a reason to connect with someone? But it is hard, especially when it feels like the other person doesn't want to have anything to do with you. I guess in that case, you continue to see them as a beautiful human being made in the image of God, as much in need of Savior as yourself, and pray for them. We aren't called to be friends with everyone. But we are called to pursue others with love. We are called to be all things to all men. We are called to love our enemies. So, hopefully - by the grace of God - I will remember all this the next time I meet someone in whom I have a hard time seeing myself. 

Chapters 8 & 9: I Am You

 The concept that culture and religion often get tangled together in confusing and often harmful ways is not a new one to me. But how Cleveland presented it made me more aware of the ways I more or less unconsciously buy into thinking a certain cultural aspect is "gospel." I grew up in Mexico as a missionary kid, and when the Christians there pray, they pray aloud - all together, and very passionately. This can come across as chaotic and annoying to outsiders. I was pretty used to it, but when my grandparents visited us, they tried to change how the people prayed. They emphasized one person leading the others in prayer instead of everyone praying at once as they saw fit. I came to see the collective prayer model I was so used to as wrong, and that it "hindered the Spirit." Would the Holy Spirit of the Almighty God be "hindered" because more than one frail human being was praying to Him at the same time? I'm not trying to bash my grandparents for doing this. They genuinely thought the way the Mexicans prayed was flawed and were trying to help them (though looking back, I can now see this was misguided). This was a case of culture getting confused with religion. I don't think God cares how we pray, as long as we fear Him.

Cleveland also talked about how to eliminate cross-cultural divides. People need to have meaningful interactions with others who differ from them, and not just coexist together. Relationships are the key to breaking down barriers. A few years ago, I was at a party with my family. I saw a very pretty girl there (pretty, as in haughty, mean, and probably wouldn't like me, obviously). We eventually ended up at the same table and tentatively started talking to each other. Turns out she had also been nervous about talking to me, and wondered if I would like her! She wasn't haughty at all, but actually pretty cool. If we had never talked to each other, both of us would have been stuck in our false assumptions. We were in the same place, but that in itself wasn't going to break any barriers. We would have just continued to watch each other, unsure if the other was too -blank- to approach. We had to engage in meaningful interactions in order to overcome our prejudices.

Chapters 6 & 7: Only Human

Cleveland really illuminates some of the darker sides of our human nature in her discussion of ego-boosting. We are such self-centered creatures, we constantly need to raise ourselves up to feel better, even if that means putting others down. Our egos feel threatened when confronted with people that differ from us, so we avoid putting ourselves in those awkward situations with the "other." But Cleveland shows that once we change our thinking and perceive the outgroups as part of our own groups, we feel less antagonistic toward them and less of a need to justify our egos. 

As a tutor, I arrive at the designated meeting place, the Academic Enrichment Center, a little early and wait for my students. Not everyone can make every single session, and some students will let me know in advance, hours before their session, that they can't make it. But there are also those who never tell me anything, leaving me sitting in the AEC waiting for them and wondering where they are. This happened last Thursday with two of my three students for that day. I emailed them, asking them if they were showing up. They both forgot, and didn't realize it until I emailed them. Righteous anger surging through me, I gathered my things (a little violently), about to stomp out of the AEC, when I remembered what I had just minutes earlier read from Disunity in Christ. I realized I had distanced myself from these two students, making them the other. They were inconsiderate, rude . . . I felt nothing positive toward them. I was unconsciously boosting myself by putting them down. But didn't I remember that time last year when a friend wanted to interview me for a booklet she wanted to distribute around campus? Didn't I remember how I completely forgot and showed up half an hour late? Didn't I remember the frustration and guilt I felt when I arrived and she wasn't there? Didn't I remember emailing my friend, being unable to reschedule, and ultimately not getting into booklet, as well as drifting even further apart from this person? Didn't I remember wishing I could redo it all?

And just like that, I could empathize with my forgetful students. They were no longer the "other." We were both "inconsiderate" and "rude." We were both human.

Chapter 5: We Can Never Know

 At the beginning of my junior year, I learned that two of my roommates were atheists. Fresh from a summer of Christian camp with the theme of being bold for Christ, I thought, "This is the perfect opportunity to 'be bold' and witness to my roommates." God must have placed me with these girls so I could put into practice what I had learned over the summer, I thought. But halfway through the semester, I found myself practically living in the drawing studio, half-collapsed over dinner from the Grille at 11 pm almost every night, dreading the thought of returning to my apartment. Instead of raising my two lost roommates up, they dragged me down. One of my underclassmen friends heard about my situation and offered to let me stay in her room whenever I liked. When I received the email about room change applications - the one I always ignored before - I knew I couldn't remain in my apartment anymore. I requested to live with my friend in Covenant Hall. "Upperclassmen aren't allowed to live in the dorms," I was told. But I was still somehow approved to move, and in December, I left the terror of my old, spacious apartment and crammed myself into one of the tiny Covey dorms. Life instantly improved for me. I no longer hated going back to my room, since I knew I was loved and understood. 

While I think I would still make the decision to move if I was given the chance to redo my junior year, I'm plagued with the disappointment that I wasn't able to be bold for Christ. As an aspiring missionary, I should not have been turned off by two atheists. They would certainly not be the last ones I would encounter, whether I went into the field or not. But the difference in our beliefs became too big of a hurdle for me to cross over, and I caved, fleeing to someone who more closely shared my ideology. While I read Cleveland's chapter on self-esteem and identity, I kept thinking of my junior year, and how I couldn't get past our very distinct and different group identities. I wonder how much different that year might have turned out if I had placed my worth in Christ, instead of in my roommates. Though Cleveland talks more about Christians reconciling with other, different Christians through their shared group identity as followers of Christ, I still resonance with my situation. I think I could have had an easier time loving my roommates if I had identified with them as another human being in need of a Savior, rather than distancing myself from them and making the clear distinctions of "Christian" and "non-Christian." I will try to remember this for the future.

Chapters 3 & 4: I Am Not

 Categorizing is part of life for everyone, even those who claim they are unorganized. Our brains are always sorting experiences, knowledge, and thousands of other messages so they don't explode. I like how Cleveland acknowledged that this is important and normal for us as humans - but then qualified that this is not always helpful, and even destructive, particularly in regards to other people. I find myself doing this - putting people into boxes based on a couple insignificant externalities or things that I've heard, and judging whole groups based on these boxes. 

As a tutor, I find myself thinking that all the big football guys who come in for tutoring are a little dim and don't care much about academics. But this stereotype has been proven false a couple of times when the students who come in show that they are actually dedicated to understanding their classes and doing well in them. I like being proven wrong in my assumptions, but I need to remind myself that I shouldn't have these assumptions in the first place.

When people see me, they probably think I'm a typical American college student because I'm white and I live in the USA. There are already a host of stereotypes associated with this description, but what most people don't know is that I'm actually a homeschooled missionary kid from Mexico. I'm also an artist, a writer, a dancer. I listen to K-pop and watch anime. Stereotypes are broken, more stereotypes are brought forward. I wonder if people associate certain stereotypes with me - I'm eccentric, I'm bad at math, I have no life, etc. Then I wonder if those assumptions are true of me. Some are, which I want to embrace (or quietly cry about, since I actually am very bad at math), and some aren't, which I want to announce to everyone I come across that they aren't true. I know that I am not what most people expect, and what I find to be so incredible is that this true for most other people as well. If I remember that everyone has something unexpected, something new to bring to the table, hopefully I can catch myself before I think "dumb jock" the next time a football player comes in for tutoring.

Chapters 1 & 2: Us, Beloved

Christena Cleveland surprised me. I did not expect her casual language and dry humor, which instantly drew me into her narrative of Ben. Ben was apparently the "wrong" kind of Christian, and Cleveland didn't want to have anything to do with him, rather associating herself with people who more closely shared her "right" values. As I read about her struggles with "the other," though, I realized just how hypocritical Christians can be - touting Jesus' love and acceptance on the one hand, while pushing so-called heretics to their fates. And following this unconscious revelation, a terrible feeling crawled into my soul, for I knew I had done the same thing. How many people over the course of my college career had I - for one reason or another - decided I just didn't like and tried to avoid? There was that one girl who never smiled at me. There was the girl whom everyone loved because of her bright and fun personality - which she never showed around me. There was the guy who creeped me out and seemed to pop up everywhere I went. My assumptions ran high, and in most of these cases, they were proved wrong once I got to know the people. That girl who never smiled? She rarely smiled at anyone because that was just her personality, and she was actually pretty nice. The girl who shut down every time she was around me? We're not friends, but I eventually realized she doesn't hate me. The guy who creeped me out? He's just a little awkward, and he seems like a strong Christian. But even if these people did live up to my perceived image of them, does that give me any right as a Christian to push them aside? Jesus says that we merit nothing if we love those who love us. It's like demanding a prize for breathing. Everyone does it. But we - the beloved of Christ, us princes and princesses of the eternal Kingdom - are called to love our enemies. That's what makes people turn their heads, makes them ask, makes them curious about this God who cares less about externalities and more about the attitude of our hearts.